enduring with life

there were many times in my life where i felt cheated. cheated by people around me. i often question myself why such things happen. why are they neccessary in life. there were also times when people tell lies. so much that i feel like killing myself.

i have to admit that i do tell lies myself sometimes. but i just cant understand and tolerate a person who tell lies each and every day without feeling guilty or ashame.

i chatted with bear over these issues. he too faced the same situations. unlike him, i am not the type of person who could read or understand people merely from their weird conversations. whatever that is happening, is way too much. i am at the verge of excluding him. i do feel guilty. but taking it seriously, i had enough of all these games. i am tired of pretending that everything is fine. i am tired of smiling at him when i know, deep down inside that something is wrong. i am tired of listening to your lies and pretending that i believe you.

sometimes i am ashamed of myself. i dont know why. maybe because iam doing something which i know that is not right. my close friends have been pestering me to rectify the situation. and yes, i am trying to rectify and solve the problem. and now, i am at a point where iam telling myself that i am not going to work any harder to solve the problem because it has always been me who is trying so hard to solve the problem.

maybe i am not tyring hard enough. or maybe iam applying the wrong method. but above all, i guess the reason why the problem has never been able to solve is because i am the only one making effort. and seriously, iam tired.

maybe theres no point to this post. beacuse i realise that there is no point in bringing up the issue anymore. i guess i ll do whatever that is best for me. and not to let such trivial issue put me down. and i know i can.